After two years of trying to conceive we had a choice. We could pursue fertility testing or we could look into adoption. We decided to pursue adoption and the doors began to quickly open for us.
We adopted our first two sons domestically at birth and we conceived our third son through IVF.
Max is now 5, Eli is 3 and Nolan is 15 months. When we look back on our adoption journeys we can think of hundreds of things we want people to know, but there are three things specifically that I feel like were key in our adoption processes.
Key #1: Adoption Consultants are Worth It!
The whole process of adoption is very intimidating. We were completely overwhelmed when we began our first adoption and hiring a consultant from Christian Adoption Consultants was one of the wisest things we did.
I often explain a consultant is like a best friend. They are there to walk with you through the entire process. They are able to explain all the unknowns because they have already walked through it many times with many people. They will be there to answer your hundreds of questions because you WILL have a hundred questions. And they will be your biggest support when you travel to go get your baby.
Take advantage of their knowledge as you are in the waiting process. Learn about mixed families, adoption trauma, open adoption, hair care for other races.
Key #2: Take Advantage of Fundraising and Grants
also think fundraising helped our families and friends get involved and excited for something that they are essentially very detached from until the baby is born.
A few fundraising ideas we used were:
-babysitting night in your church
-Chick Fil A spirit night
-31 and Mary Kay fundraisers
-puzzle piece sales
(Feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have more questions about fundraising)
Key #3: Open your heart to your baby’s birth family
Five years has gone by since he was born and he now regularly ask questions about his birth family, where he was born, when can he go visit, etc. His past is real and part of him and I’m realizing how important it is for us to try to keep a connection with his birth family.
Both our boys ask over and over about the day we met them and I’m so glad now that we can tell them about the day we met them AND their birth moms. This is not always a reality or a possibility for all adoptive/birth families. But we have found for us personally, that it is so important for our boys to feel like they can ask us questions, grieve their losses and if possible in the future try to meet up with their birth moms again. We are praying if nothing else that as adults they can look back and know we did our best to have answers to their questions and to affirm that it’s okay to miss a family they never got to grow up with.
We have never regretted the level of openness we agreed to with their birth families but we can for sure say we wish we had more!!