If you’re an adoptive family working with an expecting mom, it may feel scary if she chooses open adoption. It’s natural to be nervous about how the open adoption will work, how the child with bond with each of you
Rena Vawter, an adoptive mom of five, shares how she had a change of heart about open adoption and a relationship with her kids’ birth moms.
Our families were hesitant, too. What if this; what if that. But praise God that we didn’t go with our feelings. We sought God’s direction and stepped into the unknown.
The change didn’t happen overnight, and the surrendering took time and had to happen over and over again. But something happens when you start to pray for courage. Something happens when you start to pray for that first mama with all of your heart. And something happens when you open up your life to people who you thought were so different from you. You realize you are really the same. Both fearful of how this open adoption thing might work. Both fearful of having to fight for this little girl’s love.
In my surrender, God spoke. He told me that just as I love more than one child, my daughter can love more than one mama. There doesn’t need to be competition. There doesn’t need to be control. There doesn’t need to be fear. The more I prayed, the more my heart saw this mama for who God made her: brave, courageous, a fighter, and someone I hope I could be if I were in her shoes.
I was able to surrender fear after fear and just rejoice in the idea of sharing life together. I want nothing more than for my kids to have the freedom to love us both.
As our kids get older, we continue to long for relationships with our children’s first families. As our teenager and tweens enter a phase of life where they search for who they are, processing their adoption story is certain to play a part. Are there hard pieces that come into play? There certainly are. And we have no idea how to do this. But we’ve come to believe that it’s okay not to have answers. What’s important is to have open hearts without expectation, without insecurity, without a need for love back, without a need to be chosen.
When we can push our hearts to reach this point, I believe THAT is when we can offer the genuine, perfect love that Jesus graciously extends to us each day.
Gifts of Grace Adoption Support Center has worked with expecting moms, adoptive families, and children in the Lafayette, Indiana community since 2013. We believe that quality, affordable, Christ-centered adoption services empower pregnant moms and dads, create thriving adoptive families, and help all children be placed in a loving home.