Once you’ve chosen adoption for your child, you’ll eventually want to decide which family members and friends you’d like to tell about your adoption plan.
Some women decide to only share with people who they believe will support their decision; some choose to keep the adoption secret from everyone; and some tell everyone they know. Every woman’s situation and personality is different, so it’s up to you how many (or how few) people you’ll tell about your decision.
First, try telling family members or friends who you believe will best support your adoption plan. This will help you build the confidence you need to tell others who may be less understanding. You can even have someone by your side who supports your decision (like an adoption agency coordinator) when you share with the rest of your loved ones.
It’s important to remember that telling some people about an unplanned pregnancy and adoption plan at the same time may be overwhelming. So, if your pregnancy is still a secret, you could just share that information for now. If they ask how you’re going to raise this child, you may tell them you’re exploring your options — including placing your baby for adoption.
But if the opportunity presents itself and the timing seems right, feel free to tell your loved ones about your pregnancy and your intentions of pursuing adoption.
You may have had weeks or months to come to terms with your pregnancy, consider all of your options, and learn about adoption. However, the people you’re sharing with are hearing about all of this for the first time — but it can still be hurtful if they’re not supportive right away.
This typically happens because many people still believe that adoptions are cold and impersonal, but small agencies have changed for the better since then. So don’t be afraid to tell your loved ones what you’ve learned about adoption during your pregnancy.
Try to not take other peoples’ responses personally and to understand where they are coming from. Once your loved ones have time to digest everything you’ve told them, they may be able to discuss the situation from a less emotional place and give you support.
Having a strong support system will help you in many ways throughout your adoption journey. If you feel comfortable, share with your loved ones what led you to this decision, or invite them to be involved in your adoption plan.
You could also tell them it would mean a lot to you if they’d attend appointments with you, help you choose an adoptive family, or be with you at the hospital when you deliver the baby. Placing your child for adoption is a selfless yet emotional decision, so having people to support you during and after your pregnancy can bring you comfort and peace of mind.
No matter whom you choose to tell about your adoption plan, remember that this is your decision. While it may be difficult to cope with loved ones who don’t agree with your choice, you know what is truly best for you and your baby.
Gifts of Grace Adoption Support Center has worked with expectant parents, adoptive families, and children in the Lafayette, Indiana community since 2013. We believe that quality, affordable, Christ-centered adoption services empower pregnant moms and dads, create thriving adoptive families, and help all children be placed in a loving home.